What if I told you not to tell??? You'd probably do one of three things: number one, and most unlikely, you'd keep my secret and not tell a soul. Two, you'd tell that one close friend (or a couple close friends) who you think wouldn't tell and you'd tell them not to tell, but invariably they would. Or Three, you'd tell everyone because let's face it gossip and spreading rumors is a fun thing to do.

So what if I told you this is all true? Or mostly true? Or only a little sliver of truth is in here and the rest is lies? Would you still read? Would you tell? What if I said that all this is true and I only pretend it's not because it makes for a better story to pretend it never happened? Or what if I tell you it's true and it's really not, would you really believe it?

In either case, this is blog is full of my secrets and whether or not you share them is up to you, but you can't steal them because everything is safe on the internet. And Everyone always believes what they read, so it must all be true. Wait... maybe I'm wrong about this last little bit.

Whatever... It's a secret. Don't tell.

Serial killers and self-defense


I have become pretty addicted to Dexter, a show about a serial killer who hunts murderers and other serial killers. It's pretty awesome and has fed my one daydream of being a killer who kills murderers and child molesters and rapists, you know, the scum of the earth. I don't think I could kill an innocent person but someone who is stone-cold guilty, yea I think I could do that if I knew I wouldn't get caught.

It's the same reason I love the Boondock Saints movies so much. The idea of vigilante ways appeals to me but I'll probably never do anything about that. I have too much to lose, my family, friends, freedom. The big Fs. And I think that's what keeps me from seeing someone do something heinous and not lose my mind and find a way to make them pay for it, when our court systems fail us so many times.

If there was a killer out there who killed for the right reasons, I wouldn't want him caught. It would be good incentive for people not to step over that line, open that door and walk through into the darkness of humanity.

I day dream alot, about different things. But when I'm at a range, and picturing the target, in my stance, remembering the lessons I was taught regarding my weapon and the bullets inside, I picture the face of the latest child molester to pop up on my tv screen, or the latest corrupt cop who is using his gun and badge for things other than protecting the innocent... and I take a deep breath, steady my hands and aim through my target. I'm almost a perfect shot, fyi. For my next birthday, I'm getting my conceal permit and my dream gun, which is actually torn between two .45s.



I grew up using weapons and I like them. I know how to disarm an attacker with a knife. I know that if someone wants to take me somewhere else, to fight like hell because they probably want to make the kill slower, might as well go down fighting and have a chance of freedom. I know how to flip a man twice my weight and have him fall to the ground without using too much effort of my own. I know the weak spots on a person's body and the pressure points that will disable my attacker. I know these things because I was taught them. Some lessons were given to me by my father (once I sliced his hand open by disarming him with his Kabar). Some were taught by friends. Everyone saw me as a small, petite little thing, easy to overpower without the training, so I was taught. I was taught that my size makes me seem like the perfect victim, which I guess is good because I've had to use my training a time or two in my past, to get away from a bad situation before it got worse. Better me, than some girl who can't defend herself. My daughter will get that same training too.

I often wonder why more girls aren't taught self-defense. Why they aren't taught things like the ability to throw knives or shoot a weapon with better-than average accuracy. Why they aren't given that power of knowing they might be small but size doesn't matter as much as training and most attackers aren't trained. They are simply taking advantage of a situation that appears to give them the upper hand.

My advice to any women out there: get some type of self-defense training. Not kick boxing. Not karate but genuine, self-defense. Whether you learn how to kick a knee cap perfectly or body slam a man twice your size, that's all important. Women who get hurt, 9 times out of 10 don't have any type of training. They are weak, maybe  not by choice, but because they don't know how to protect themselves. And that really bugs me.

So for my next birthday, I'm getting my right to conceal a weapon and wear it when I'm unsure of my environment. The threat of a weapon is the only thing needed by most dirtbags to high tail it. I'm getting my dream gun that I will be trained in using. I will have my protection no matter what. Part of being who I am, growing up the way I did, makes me realize the benefit of firearms and I know the risks, but I also know this: that my children will grow up with a heavy respect for weapons, whether they be knives or pistols or rifles. And that's not only because their father is in the Army, but also because their mother has never touched a weapon that wasn't hers without permission and will teach them the proper way to shoot and the lessons that are involved. Lessons I might write later, when I have the time.

It's funny how a show about serial killers makes me think about my own protection, and those I love. I will be prepared for anything when it comes to my family and I will not rely on my husband to do it. Partially because I never know when he'll be gone and partially because I know I am capable.

Anyways, much love and please, ladies, listen to what I said. Get into self-defense class and kick ass. There is no reason any woman should be at the mercy of a man, ever.


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