What if I told you not to tell??? You'd probably do one of three things: number one, and most unlikely, you'd keep my secret and not tell a soul. Two, you'd tell that one close friend (or a couple close friends) who you think wouldn't tell and you'd tell them not to tell, but invariably they would. Or Three, you'd tell everyone because let's face it gossip and spreading rumors is a fun thing to do.

So what if I told you this is all true? Or mostly true? Or only a little sliver of truth is in here and the rest is lies? Would you still read? Would you tell? What if I said that all this is true and I only pretend it's not because it makes for a better story to pretend it never happened? Or what if I tell you it's true and it's really not, would you really believe it?

In either case, this is blog is full of my secrets and whether or not you share them is up to you, but you can't steal them because everything is safe on the internet. And Everyone always believes what they read, so it must all be true. Wait... maybe I'm wrong about this last little bit.

Whatever... It's a secret. Don't tell.

Ummm...

My MIL prays for me. Alot. Today Steve called her for mother's day and after half-listening to their conversation, I reminded him to tell her about his Captain's grad and then started to read the next chapter in our book. He hung up with her and right after I told him "I have to read you this chapter. It's about her years in Human Resources and it's hilarious." He told me: "My mom says she's praying for us and loves us." She never talks to me, so I don't know that she loves us is actually a true statement.

I just smiled, saying "Well that makes this rather awkward" and started reading aloud about penises and vaginas and enormous labias. (No, I'm not making this up.) And we chucked together.

After I finished the chapter, we went back up stairs and I asked "What exactly is your mother praying for?" Because Yea, I can get way off-topic alot and immediately go back to one that has my mind questioning everything. Steve replied, "Probably for us to be happy and successful." I shook my head and shrugged, "No probably that I won't take you to hell with me." Steve just laughed. This makes me know it's true.

You see, while I'm religious in the sense that I was raised in a semi-religious house and believe in certain things but question alot of those same things, thinking that if God really loves me, he'll know that I'm just a curious mind and that I'm intriqued with things I don't understand. And no, I don't think that believing in a book written by guys that lived 400-500 years after Jesus did is entirely sensible. Sorry. But I do think that it's full of really great stories and proves some valid points like if a giant attacks you, use a sling-shot and hit him in the head with stones. He'll probably fall and hurt himself. And remember, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Just saying. 


Anyways, my MIL doesn't really talk to me. I mean she will if I answer my husband's phone but I try to avoid doing that because I know she feels uncomfortable too. Another reason is because I don't really like hearing "I'll pray for you." Since I am more than perfectly capable of praying for myself, but I never say that to her. I figure that would be rude. And I hate being rude.


So instead I send up birthday cards for all the family members of his family and send her books that I know she'd like: Biblical Triva, Bedtime blessings, etc. And hope that one day, I can secretly get her drunk so we can have a fair conversation. Because you can't be fanatical when you are drunk. Well you can, but honestly, it wouldn't make alot of sense. My husband says I'm not allowed to do that.


Oh I have to go because I'm having my husband prepare the potatoes for dinner. I'm making german food because I don't want anything else and we're too broke at the moment to go to the german restaurant I like. Yea. 
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